So, once again I will be rambling “off topic” so to speak. But this will be a short entry I think – just a couple quick thoughts to jot down.
I was at the salon this afternoon having my roots touched up (the curse of having hair colored several shades darker than my natural hue, not to mention all those disgusting grays) and was chatting with the stylist, a very sweet young woman named Jaclyn. I forget how we got on the topic, but we were actually talking about dog rescue and she wanted to hear about my pups and how I got involved in fostering, etc etc. Jaclyn interjected with a comment relating to her sister and said, “oh, my twin sister..”
She never got a chance to finish the sentence. My heart sunk and I told her that I have… had…. have… a twin. I couldn’t figure out which tense to use – past or present. I have that problem a lot when talking about Rachel. I spent the rest of my appointment in relative silence and reflection thinking about how great I had it – I was a twin. I had Rachel. I was half of something unique and special and had the coolest, bravest, most awesome sister in the world…. I just wished I had realized that when she was here.
Growing up a twin doesn’t seem unique or special because it’s all you know. We didn’t have other siblings so we had no frame of reference. If anything, it seemed burdensome at times; and it was during those times that people would tell us to appreciate each other because what we had was special. But, those were the same people nagging us to floss and clean our room so who listens to them?
I could add this to my long list of regrets but is it worth it? I’m pretty sure Rach knew how much I loved her. I can’t change the past and I can’t replace this missing chunk of my heart; but I can remind everyone, myself included, that we are all part of something special and it should be cherished because you never know when it may end.
“To the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.”
– Albus Dumbledore